Tuesday, February 7, 2012

how to stay thin

Here is a sure fire way to stay thin (it has worked for me!):

  • Get a mysterious virus (no one else in your family contracts, which is nice, but mysterious) that completely "detoxes" your body
  • Said virus will leave you nauseous and tired for days afterward, so your appetite will come back very slowly
  • Lose 5 lbs in 2 days, guaranteed!
  • Repeat in 4 months (necessary for maintenance)
  • Other unnecessary but plausible circumstances that may accompany the virus: 
    • husband has to stay home from work because you have locked yourself in the bathroom
    • you may figure out new sleeping positions so that you can get some sleep on the cold bathroom floor
    • you may get an allergic reaction to the virus that leaves you covered in hives and makes the urgent care doctor concerned about your airways swelling unless he acts quickly
    • treatment for the allergic reaction may leave you drugged out of your mind. note to self: benedryl is not for sissys!
    • you might be reminded how amazing and capable your husband is!

6 comments:

Elaine said...

I think we will take a pass on this one, but thanks for the advice. Hope you can take a pass next time around.

Michele Shepherd said...

Amen on the mysterious virus thing, though since I picked mine up in Africa it wasn't quite so mysterious, and I only lost 15 not 25. :-) I'm glad you're feeling better!

Sarah said...

Britney this sounds awful! I hope things are on the recovery side now.
Random thought: for treating allergies, Zyrtec does the same stuff as Benadryl but without the knock-you-out side effect. Evie's allergist prefers it. Hopefully you won't need anymore though =)

Elaine said...

I talked with Grandpa Bassett today. He said that your description of illness perfectly described what he has been going through this week. I am sorry for both of you, but glad you are on the mend.

medieval.woman said...

I also recommend pneumonia for weight loss. I lost a ton during the month I was sick a few years ago, and kept it off. Everybody who commented on my waist size was told, "Yeah, the pneumonia really helped."

Jamie said...

What the heck?! I am way behind on your life. Clearly. Hope the virus has completed its course on you. Sounds awful, especially because you didn't even benefit from the weight loss since you were already so thin.