Here is a sure fire way to stay thin (it has worked for me!):
- Get a mysterious virus (no one else in your family contracts, which is nice, but mysterious) that completely "detoxes" your body
- Said virus will leave you nauseous and tired for days afterward, so your appetite will come back very slowly
- Lose 5 lbs in 2 days, guaranteed!
- Repeat in 4 months (necessary for maintenance)
- Other unnecessary but plausible circumstances that may accompany the virus:
- husband has to stay home from work because you have locked yourself in the bathroom
- you may figure out new sleeping positions so that you can get some sleep on the cold bathroom floor
- you may get an allergic reaction to the virus that leaves you covered in hives and makes the urgent care doctor concerned about your airways swelling unless he acts quickly
- treatment for the allergic reaction may leave you drugged out of your mind. note to self: benedryl is not for sissys!
- you might be reminded how amazing and capable your husband is!





